Before embarking on the goal of hosting my own culinary show, I never thought of acting outside of watching a film or TV. I mean, I knew which actors I liked and those I figured must have gotten a lucky break. I knew it must be hard to be believable on TV and never once thought acting was easy. But after one month of going out on auditions my head is spinning.
I’ve taken three 1-month long acting classes so far plus a few private coaching lessons. I’m also currently taking a more intensive workshop. My original goal when I decided to jump start my TV career by joining an agency and doing some on-camera work was just to get comfortable. I don’t have that innate acting gene that wonders like Streep and DiCaprio seem to have. I actually hated anything remotely to do with being in front of people growing up but practice is key, right? Then the auditions hit and I realized getting auditions is great but I really do want these roles outside of just being able to make my minimalist resume have more black ink. Great. Part of the reason why I want these roles is because, hey, I drive 2 1/2 hours (albeit willingly) for these auditions and I want to book the job to make my travels feel more worthy. But a second and more interesting reason is that when I get to these auditions I morph into this other person. It’s almost like I absorb the auras (not to get to Bohemian or anything) of the other auditioners in the room. And let me tell you, the tension in audition rooms is palpable – like cut with a knife palpable. And after looking around the room at the other lovely lads and ladies I sell myself so short I’m practically fairy-sized. Then I slap myself [mentally] and say “get on with it, Deubry. They either will like you or they won’t”.
Auditions are over in minutes after which I usually sit in the car for half hour to wait for my blood pressure to even out. Then the really hard part: The Wait. Argh! I look at my phone way too often, which I know I’m not supposed to do.
To increase my chances of getting a part I need to be good enough - I won’t insult the craft by saying great. So, if I’m to do auditions and either book a job or leave a memorable impression then I need to at least try my best. And to do my best then I must take classes. The art is so foreign to me: Be in the moment’; The moment before; Blocking; Just be; Act natural – but still act – but still be natural; Bookend and tie-breakers; Dig deep and sub-text; Just – Be. I think I’d have an easier time memorizing the square root of the square root of pi.
I keep reminding myself that my goal is not to land a feature film but to host a TV show. Yet I can’t practice on-camera unless I get a part and I don’t want to be rude and not take this side of the industry seriously. That’s just a recipe for bad Karma. So I’m looking for a steady flow of one- and two-day workshops that fit my budget and schedule. I also constantly look up tips and scrutinize the expressions of female actors I admire like Maggie Smith, Laura Linney, Zoe Saldana, Rachel McAdams, Kiera Knightly, and Thandie Newton and even the younger talents like Chloë Moretz and Yara Shahidi (there’s lots more but I have to stop somewhere). Fake it till you make it right?
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